Refugee Trott Bailey Family Challenge: KB & Sher had the hard conversations to break down years of subconcious thinking- “You don’t build our victorious, back to back, good sex having kind of love overnight”

by Sherika Trott Bailey

Men Are Not Dogs — The Biggest Lie Told to Girls Growing Up

Some beliefs don’t arrive loudly.
They settle quietly into a child’s mind and stay there for years.

One of the strongest beliefs Sher carried from childhood — shaped by Jamaican and American media, conversations in shops, music, TV, and everyday talk — was this:

“Men are dogs.”
“Men always cheat.”
“Men are always ready for sex.”
“You must always guard yourself.”

It didn’t feel like hatred.
It felt like common sense.

Until marriage forced us to examine it.

How These Ideas Get Etched Early

When a girl grows up hearing:

• Stories of men cheating
• Songs glorifying betrayal
• Women warning each other constantly
• Jokes about men being incapable of faithfulness

She doesn’t question it.

She prepares for it.

By the time she becomes a wife, she is already on defense.

And she doesn’t even realize it.

The Late-Night Conversations That Changed Everything

In the quiet of many nights, Sher and KB talked through these beliefs.

KB said something simple but powerful:

“Cheating will never be part of this relationship.”

Not as a romantic line.
As a principle of who he is.

Then something even more surprising came out:

“Men are not always sexually driven the way media portrays them.”

That statement challenged years of subconscious programming.

Because Sher had grown up believing men were constantly fighting urges.

KB calmly explained that this was not true for him — and not true for many men.

The Damage This Belief Does Inside Marriage

When a wife believes, deep down, that:

• Her husband is wired to cheat
• He is always tempted
• He must be monitored emotionally

She may act loving on the outside but remain guarded on the inside.

The husband feels this.

And over time, it creates distance where there should be safety.

The Cultural Echo

This belief is not only Caribbean or American.

We saw similar attitudes echoed in Brazil among women in low-income communities.

Many women speak about men with the same assumptions.

Not because they hate men.

Because experience and culture trained them to expect the worst.

What We Realized as a Couple

A marriage cannot become peaceful if one partner is secretly expecting betrayal.

So we had to dismantle the belief completely.

Not soften it. Remove it.

That required:

• Honest conversation
• Patience
• Rewriting subconscious narratives
• Observing actions instead of trusting old stories

What Changed in Sher’s Mindset

Sher stopped viewing men through the lens of media and childhood warnings.

She began seeing her husband as an individual, not a category.

That shift brought:

• Emotional safety
• Trust without suspicion
• Calm instead of guardedness

Why This Matters for Girls Growing Up Today

Girls are still growing up hearing the same messages.

And many enter marriage already prepared for disappointment.

This belief quietly weakens relationships before they begin.

FAQ

Why do many women believe men are naturally unfaithful?
Because of media, culture, and repeated stories absorbed from childhood.

How did this affect the Trott Bailey marriage?
It required intentional conversations to remove subconscious distrust.

What is the key lesson?
Judge individuals by actions, not cultural narratives about gender